Be Great Today!

What mentors must have in order to help you:

1. Have your best interest in mind. The mentors that you select must have your best interest in mind.  This may seem obvious but is not always the case.  Your mentors must truly value you as a person and want you to succeed.  Your mentors must want to give you wings that let you fly free on your own terms in your own time frame.

2. Not have an alternate motive for self gain, at your expense.  You must have a win-win relationship where you both gain.  Your mentor must not provide conditional assistance which would limit your growth to not surpass the mentor’s abilities.  Your mentor should want you to be the best you can possibly be and want you to surpass their capabilities and accomplishments.

3. Have already achieved or helped others achieve what you desire.  Your mentor must be a person that is either living what you want to live, lived what you desire to live, or coached others successfully on how to live the way that you want to live.  A mentor who hasn’t walked in the shoes that you desire to walk in or helped others achieve their dreams will not be able to get you where you want to go.

4. Exhibit integrity in all of their actions in life.  If your mentor only does what is right, when it is convenient, then you will learn other shortcuts that could lead to a dead end, and other problems, instead of true happiness and success.

5. Be honest with you about both your strengths and weaknesses.  If your mentor only tells you what you want to hear instead of what you “need” to hear, then the mentor will not be doing you any favors.  A good example of this was an episode of the reality show, So You Think You Can Dance?  One of the contestants brought his mother, who said he was great.  Was he really great?  Mom convinced this guy that he was great, and the supposed dancer said as much to America.  When it was time for this contestant to strut his stuff, it was evident that he had never danced in public, ever.  Forget the fact that he had never had any formal dance training, he had no rhythm or skill whatsoever.

When you are fortunate enough to have a mentor or role model in your life, whether it’s for a short time (in the form of a boss or coach), or for your whole life (in the form of parents or a spouse), the key is to respect that person and have an open mind, heart, and spirit.

Live, Learn and Pass it On!

Do you want more out of this life of yours?  As far as I see it, you have 2 choices, (1) be the example yourself by leading, or (2) follow a great example.

First, who to follow?  A person, movement, or organization that would be a great example to follow is any that makes the world a better place by being here.  This doesn’t have to be anyone or anything that is big and splashy, just one that follows the Golden Rule… “Do onto others as you’d want done onto yourself.”

An example of this is the late, great Mother Teresa.  Mother Teresa’s name is synonymous with lover, generosity, giving, caring for the less fortunate, dignity, and hope.  But, I bet you weren’t aware of this information. 

In studying Mother Teresa’s life, after her passing, if the world wasn’t aware of the inspirational influence that she provided, you would not draw the same conclusion.  Journal entries speak of uncertainty, despair, and darkness.  Each morning, those feelings were pushed aside as Mother Teresa rose to care for the sick, hungry, and poor of Calcutta, India.  This daily action resulted in a mission that lives on after Mother Teresa’s death.

When Mother Teresa’s, Missionaries of Charity was passed onto her successor in 1997, the society had nearly 4,000 sisters, 300 brothers and more than 100,000 lay volunteers who oversaw 610 houses in 123 countries.  Overcoming daily uncertainty, despair, and darkness can have some truly amazing, blessed results.  Mother Teresa of Calcutta is truly one of the greatest examples to follow!

Now, how to lead!  You don’t have to be or become rich from a monetary standpoint to be a great leader.  You simply have to put good into the world, take action, one day at a time.  How do you do that?

1.     Smile at fellow humans as you pass them throughout your day!

2.     Offer warm greetings or well wishes to loved ones and strangers alike!

3.     When you’re talking with others genuinely listen and be in the moment!

4.     Take time to notice nature and give thanks for its beauty!

5.     Phone a friend, just to say “hi!”

Note: there is a common thread in the 5 options above.  They are all free!  No money needed. 

Share and give freely and you will receive so much more in return than you could have ever imagined.  Guaranteed.  Mother Teresa didn’t have it easy, and she didn’t have an agenda, other than giving God’s love to God’s children, each moment of each day of her life.  What a blessed life and what a beautiful, lasting legacy!

Great results are guaranteed for you, whether you approach the day and your life as a leader or follower.

Pay It Forward!

… to happiness, fulfillment, making a difference, finding and following your passions and purpose, or… to being completely and utterly miserable?

My wife had to make a stop at the grocery and office supply store the other day.  A little background on my wife:  Sherri has a huge heart and is an active optimist.  What I mean by that is that Sherri chooses to be optimistic each day and makes the extra effort to be polite and cheery with people she encounters throughout her day.

So, Sherri is at the checkout line at each stop and greets each cashier with her brilliant smile and genuine inquiry as to how each individual was doing!  The response was less than reciprocal.  Each cashier made minimal eye contact, mumbled something that was inaudible in response to Sherri’s well-wishes.  These two individuals were committed to being miserable. 

Here are 3 keys to overcoming negative influences and encounters in your life:

1.     Give a smile and a calm, reassuring “Good Day!” well wishes!  The reason for this is that you never know what another person is going thru.  These unhappy souls may be going thru a family or personal crisis or could be dealing with the loss of a loved one, or some other genuine problem or concern, causing their frown or sour attitude.  You just never know what is going on in someone’s life.

2.     Focus on your blessings that life has bestowed upon you, and live in a state of gratitude.  We can’t control how other people act or feel, but we surely can control how we look at and approach the world and this God-given day!

3.     If options 1 and 2 aren’t working, then simply stay away from these people!  At least minimize your contact with the naysayers, if you have to interact with them (i.e. co-workers, family, neighbors, etc.)  If someone is committed to being miserable, guess what… they will surely achieve their objective.  Life is too short to make it your cause to try to turn the committed miserable ones around. 

So, there you have it, three ways to deal with negative people that are inevitably going to be presented to you and me each and every day.   So, please remember to focus on your blessings, live with an attitude of gratitude, stay committed to your course, and …

Have a Great Day!

So what’s going to get you off the bench of life and into the game in 2010? 

We all have something in our lives that we’re not engaging in, but know that we need to.  What are you putting off, delaying, or otherwise avoiding for whatever reason?  Maybe you’re scared, bored, fear failure, fear success, or are just stuck in your current position on the bench watching life go by.

Whatever it is that is preventing or limiting you from getting into your game, it’s time to put the reasons preventing you from entering your game aside and start after it.  Let me share with you a fool proof 3 step process that will get you off the bench and into the game.

First, I’ll share with you what has gotten me off my bench and into my game for 2010…  In the fall of 2009 I was diagnosed with a rare, chronic disease called Mixed Connective Tissue Disease (MCTD).  MCTD is an autoimmune disease. Here’s how it works: my immune system thinks my body is sick and has decided to go into defense mode; thus it starts attacking itself.   With this disease, my immune system can go after my organs, skin, joints, etc.

Long story short, I have this disease, IT DOESN’T HAVE ME.   I’m doing everything in my power to control it.  I’ve chosen to change my diet, by cutting out sugar, alcohol, dairy, and gluten.  Further, I’m getting proper rest each day, exercising daily, and limiting stressful situations, which as a sales professional on commission, makes for many challenges and obstacles to overcome. 

But guess what?  I’m winning!  Thanks to my amazing wife and soulmate Sherri, my two beautiful daughters’ presence and strong spirits, and my faith in God.  My disease may have come to live within my body, but I’m not going to let it stop or limit me.  I’m getting off the bench and will continue to play in the game of life.

Now, back to our 3 fool-proof steps that will get you off the bench and into your personal game of life:

1.     Write down what you want and why you want it.  If you come up with a strong enough why, you will be able to achieve any what.  Also, make sure that what you want and the reason you want it involves more than just gratifying yourself.  It is so important to come up with goals that serve others and serve a greater purpose.  As Zig Ziglar says, “if you help enough other people get what they want, you’ll get everything that you want!”

2.     Keep it simple!  At least simple enough, that as life gets busy, as it inevitably does, you will be able to juggle your dreams and goals as you’re engaging in the other areas of your life that require your attention, i.e.: school, studying, parenting, work, marriage, health, etc.

3.     Just Light Into It!  That is what my friend, Freida, who used to clean and iron my work shirts when I lived in West Virginia answered when I asked her how she was able to keep up with her typical mound of weekly ironing for her customers!

Hope to see you off the bench and on the court in 2010!

Happy New Year!

Can I trust you?  Can you trust me?  Do you trust in yourself and your future?  Stick with me for a few minutes, and allow me to explain how you can quickly and easily gain in the trust of those around… trust in yourself, as well as, become a metal detector of trust.  What I mean by that is you will be able to pick out a trustworthy person and/or organization as quick as a metal detector beeps upon detecting a metal object buried comfortably below the sand on your favorite beach!

            Wikipedia defines trust as, “A relationship of reliance… a prediction of reliance on an action, based on what a party knows about the other party”.  Therefore, by definition, the only way that you can be trusted or give trust is thru repeated exposure or time spent with other people.

How to become a trustworthy person:

            Commit to do the right thing in every area of your life, not just sometimes, but all the time.  Do the right thing when people are watching, and more importantly, do the right thing when people are not watching.

How to be able to identify trustworthy people:

            Very simply, trust is earned over time.  People have reputations for a reason, because over time, they have demonstrated certain qualities.  People with questionable reputations should be viewed thru very objective lenses looking for signs to either back up or refute any prior opinions and reputations.  If people are open and easy to understand, that is a good sign.  If people are a series of unanswered questions, contradictions, and difficult to understand, then beware.

How to trust yourself:

            Let’s start out by saying that a lack of trust in yourself shows a lack of faith.  I believe that God made each of us, and God has faith in us.  Mother Angelica, the founder of Our Lady of the Angel’s Monastery shares in her book, “… constant worry, depression, anxiety, frustration, thinking ‘Nothing’s going to change’ – that is a total, total lack of trust… If you don’t have trust in your life, you have little love, because trust comes from love”.

            Therefore, the best way to trust is to start loving yourself.  Believe in yourself, and daily remind yourself by proclaiming your noble values, strengths, and contributions that you work to give to the world.

            When people prove to be untrustworthy and difficult to understand, they are quickly disregarded.  People who constantly strive to earn the trust and confidence of others, also gain the trust of themselves.  The net result is a life of happiness, love, and meaning! 

 Trustfully Yours!

“Nothing gives one person so much advantage

Over another as to remain always cool and

Unruffled under all circumstances.”

                                                      - Thomas Jefferson

The above quote can be taken as a strategy to overcome an enemy just as much as it can apply to keeping a marriage or a friendship strong.  We need to realize that getting worked up, upset, fired up, or mad at someone, something, or a particular situation is very unproductive and, most of all, damaging to you.  What do I mean?

By losing your cool, you are giving up your personal control.  By getting upset, you are allowing another person or situation control you.  Who in their right mind wants to be controlled?  For example, let’s say you have a controlling or manipulative boss.  If you can stay calm when he or she starts losing control and directing anger at you, the result of your calm behavior will be an emotional victory for you.

There is a fringe benefit to staying calm when others are losing their cool either at or around you.  If you have a friend/boss, or co-worker whose goal is to attack you and make you feel bad, and you respond with a calm, even tempered persona, it will make the attacker look and/or feel very uncomfortable.

Not that you want to make anyone feel uncomfortable or bad, but if you do make someone feel uncomfortable as a result of lashing out at you, they will be less inclined to lash out at you in the future.  Reason for that is, no one intentionally makes themselves feel bad.  We all want to feel good.

Everyone wants to be respected.  Times of trial and tribulation reveal an individual’s character.  When things get tough and you stay calm, that will earn you respect.

Being cool = Being in Control = Respect from peers! 

You see, being cool provides multiple benefits not only to yourself but to the world around you!

Be Cool and Have a Great Day!

Everyone would agree that the ability to communicate is one of the best ways to have a successful, harmonious, peaceful, fulfilled life. 

Did you ever think about… why is the divorce rate so high in our country?  Why is there no confidence in our economy?  Why don’t people trust their employers or each other?

The answer is that people can’t seem to figure out how to communicate.  The simple answer is to put yourself in the shoes of whomever you are attempting to communicate with and ask yourself, “What would I want to know in order to be able to (understand, feel, believe, etc…) what I’m trying to communicate?”  For example…  in my selling career, I have been able to be a top producer at my company because I’m constantly putting myself in my customers shoes and thinking from their point of view.

What I mean is that when I identify a customer that is interested in making a purchase, I take the time to ask the questions necessary to best understand what the customer’s situation is, what they need, why they need it, and when.  Once I have this information, only then can a solution be presented that strikes the chords in my customer’s decision making process to say “yes” to my solutions.  This approach also works perfectly in relationships with loved ones.

Now the “to a point” part… if you have spent days, months, years, and repeated attempts to communicate a message to another person whom you care about and the other party isn’t responding, then they just might not get it, or don’t want to get it.  What I mean is that with some people, they either don’t have the ability or desire to understand what you are trying to share.  So in those cases, it’s best to either move on or limit your contact with that person or party.    

Do the best that you possibly can to understand others, to put yourself in another person’s shoes, then and only then, share your thoughts, ideas, and plans!  If you do this, then when your head hits the pillow each night, you can rest easy knowing that you did all you could to communicate.

 Have a great day!

Everybody loves to have fun!  Everyone loves to laugh!  Everyone loves to enjoy themselves!  When you’re having fun, you’re not worrying about anything.  You’re not stressed out or focused on any number of problems that may be going on in your life at that moment.

When you’re having fun, you’re in the moment, focused on whatever is making you happy at the time.  So, what makes you happy?  Maybe you enjoy a particular sport, musical instrument, your career, or any number of hobby or activities.  Maybe happiness to you is spending time with your family, friends, or co-workers.

When are you not having fun?  Well, it’s probably when you’re working at a task that you don’t enjoy, or are stressed or worried about something going on in your life.  Let me explain…

First, the work stress… In my 38 years of life, about half of that has been spent working. Most people have work stress because they’re NOT working!  Get it… we get stressed when we are avoiding what we know has to be done.  If you don’t like what you do, you either need to accept that or find another kind of “work”.  Remember, “work” is called “work” for a reason.

Second, stress caused by worry.  Here is the thing… the majority of worries are in the past and nothing can be done about them.  Other stress is in the future and that particular worry either hasn’t happened yet or it just may never happen.  If you sit down with a pen and paper, you’ll most likely find that less than 10% of worries are legitimate and need to be addressed.  Not a bad tip and easy way to eliminate 90% of your worries.  Wouldn’t you agree?!

In conclusion, we addressed the reasons why we don’t have fun, now it’s time to address the proactive way to have fun on purpose:  The answer… SIMPLY FOCUS ON THE MOMENT, BE PRESENT WITH WHOMEVER OR WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING.  When you eliminate stress and worry, having fun is infinitely easier.  Focus on the here and now.  You’ll be looser, feel more free, and most importantly…. you will love your life!

Have Fun!

Your personal style is your calling card, your commercial that you give out to the world each day.  There are over 6 billion people on this great earth of ours, 300 million and growing in the United States.  That makes for a lot of different styles.  Want to make your message stick out above the crowd?

Start with a positive, optimistic attitude about yourself and today.  Do that each and every day this year, and you’ll have the best year of your life!  There is a great deal of uncertainty going on in our world as 2009 gets going, including: wars in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Israel.  The world economy is in recession, and some scientists are claiming that global warming is going to lead to the demise of us all.  So what can you do about any of this?

The answer is… you can control what you focus on today.  Focus on what you can affect in your world or what is within your control. If you really pay attention, you will find that you are a very fortunate person who has so much to be grateful for!  Once your focus gets trained to getting the most out of today and only paying attention to what you can control, right now, you’ll find your spirits lifted.  You will also be able to make a bigger difference to the world around you.  Put a smile on your family, friends, or co-workers faces, and you’ve made a positive difference today!

As far as the pressing global issues that dominate our cynical, gloomy media, who would like us to believe that the world is coming to an end, simply support our troops, save more than you make, and flush your toilet less!  Besides my daughter pointed out that the issue of the polar ice caps melting and polar bears going instinct may not be as pressing, as she pointed out, we have polar bears at the Cincinnati Zoo, and have you ever been in Cincinnati in August?  That would melt some ice!

Happy New Year!

My 7 year old daughter, Megan, made this brilliant statement this spring as the answer to her fears of doing a reverse summersault on the bar in gym class.  My brilliant little girl instinctually figured out all by herself what most people never realize their entire life.  Megan does wear Nike’s, but I know that she isn’t aware of Nike’s “Just Do It” ad campaign that has been popularized since before she was born. 

Why don’t we all “Just Do It” when it comes to something we are unsure of.  The obvious answer is… FEAR.

If we would just spend the time required to learn whatever we need to learn in order to get whatever we want to get, we could then just go after IT (whatever “IT” is for you) without FEAR.  The end result… we would all be happier, healthier, and have more peace of mind and success.

So, I for one, am going to take Megan’s sage advice and keep on “Just Doing It!”

Peace!